I Remember Momma

My mother, in her mid 20's

Mother's Day is right around the corner. This will be the 4th year I've spent celebrating my own motherhood. Being a mom has changed me in immeasurable ways from my physical body, to the products I buy, to my relationship with my husband, to the way I react to other people's children. I think it is fair to say that becoming a mother has touched every aspect of my life. 

Once I had children, I realized that I was moving in a divergent direction from almost all of my friends who were, of course, not stay at home moms to newborn twins. I began to seek out new friends who could relate to where I was at. I was hesitant at first, expecting SAHMs to be women so happy to be baking pies and talking about baby poop that I couldn't relate. But what I found was that motherhood was changing all of us, and that all of us (or at least most of us) were in need of this collective sisterhood where we could confess and complain and gush and learn. Most of all, learn.

Mom and Dad
circa 1965

When I think about my amazing friends who have taught me so much, I also think about my own mother who had me when she was just 24. The first of her friends to have a baby and without the benefit (or perhaps, hindrance) of the multitude of child rearing books and services we have now, somehow my mom figured it out. Actually she more than "figured it out", my mom worked full time, cultivated her marriage into a deeply loving commitment that has lasted over 45 years and has always made me feel loved and secure. 

I'm sure it wasn't always easy. She traveled throughout Europe with almost no money and a toddler in tow, was in and out of countries where she didn't speak the language, she handled my father's descent into a drug induced nervous breakdown, raised a spirited daughter who definitely had her own way of doing things, worked at a job she never cared for, which allowed my dad the freedom to write, put up with our menagerie of rescued animals...and somehow managed to be the grounded anchor our family needed. 

Mom...early 1960's

When people ask about my mom, I often get stuck describing her. Perhaps because what makes her so special are so many qualities I wish I had. My mother has a great sense of humor and genuinely laughs right along with my husband when he lovingly teases her. I wish I had that skill. My mother never went to college, but can hold her own discussing art, literature, film and more with the intellectual crowd she and my father circulate in. I wish I was that confident. My mother has no airs about her; she is genuine, down to earth, real. And she expects the same back. She can spot a phony from a mile away. I'm still working on this one. My mother is deeply generous, truly kind and a great friend. I give her all the credit when I am even remotely close to that type of person. 

Hanging out with mom...1970

Even with all the "stuff" that comes up between mother and daughter over the course of a lifetime, I know I will be lucky if I am as good a mom to my children as she is to me. 

On Mother's Day I will be with my husband and children here in California. My mom will be in New York with my dad. My heart will be in both places. 

Wishing you all a wonderful Mother's Day.
-Gina
The Twin Coach


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