Monday, March 26, 2012

Love Me When I Least Deserve It.

I saw this proverb recently and have been thinking about it a lot. I have been trying to keep it in mind when my children are at their worst. It makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, if you apply it to yourself and think about when you are miserable, grouchy, short tempered...aren't you really in need of someone to understand you?

Isn't what you want most that someone will just take you in their arms and hold you? And don't you think that the simple gesture of showing love toward someone when they, themselves, must feel unloveable is all it might take to make things right?

It's hard though, isn't it? My kids were bananas after bath time last night: screaming, running through the house, hitting each other, not listening to a word I was saying. I was beyond frustrated. When they finally fell asleep I sat down to work and saw this proverb again. I sat, staring at it, and remembered something I read earlier in the day. I had begun a new book a few days ago by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn called Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting and underlined a passage yesterday afternoon:
"The more we are able to keep in mind the intrinsic wholeness and beauty of our children, especially when it is difficult for us to see, the more our ability to be mindful deepens. In seeing more clearly, we can respond to them more effectively and with greater generosity of heart, and parent with greater wisdom."
Once again, I am reminded that mindfulness and attunement is what I need most in parenting. And as I sit here thinking about the evening that didn't go even close to the way I would have liked it to go, and feeling guilty about my short temper, I think that I need to give my unloveable self some understanding. We are all trying our best. And that goes for our kids as well. As the Kabat-Zinns say:
"[Children] see us up close as no one else does, and constantly hold mirrors up for us to look into. In doing so, they give us over and over again the chance to see ourselves in new ways, and to work at consciously asking what we can learn from any and every situation that comes up with them." 
Today is another chance to do it better. 

Thanks for reading!
The Twin Coach

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Guest Posts And Some Good News

I know I'm posting a little more often than usual this week. This is just a quick note to tell you a few bits of news!

Allow me a moment of feeling proud...
I'm honored to share the news that Red Tricycle has named The Twin Coach as one of the Best Los Angeles Blogs. Here's what they had to say: 
"This a woman you want by your side. Having experienced divorce, infertility, career change, anxiety and more, Gina Osher is a woman who can relate. Her optimism, knowledge and hard-won joy bring inspiration with every article."
If you live on the Western coast of the US do check out Red Tricycle as they always have great postings for everything family related. And this particular post of the best Los Angeles blogs has some other great blogs that you might matter where you live!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Creating A Tidal Wave Of Change. Are You With Me?

"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children."
~ Marianne Williamson
"One generation full of deeply loving parents would change the brain of the next generation, and with that, the world." ~ Dr. Charles Raison
To write, or not to write? That is
sometimes the question.  
There are times when I ask myself why I put so much time and effort into this blog and all that goes along with writing it. This happens occasionally on days when I feel particularly overwhelmed with juggling everything in my life. It definitely happens on days when people who come across what I write send me comments that are so full of vitriol and judgment that I question, just for a moment, my purpose and beliefs. 

I am generally a rather private person and am not inclined to enjoy being the center of attention. Nor do I tend to be confrontational about things. And I don't have the thick skin required for being judged harshly. And yet I continue, day after day, to expose myself and push myself to share what is generally a very intimate thing: my struggle to change bad habits, my missteps, my fears, insecurities and self doubts and ultimately, my attempts to overcome it all.

And for what purpose?

Friday, March 16, 2012

Weekend Reading: March 16, 2012

Thank you for being a part of my village.
It's been some time since I rounded up a collection of my favorite posts of the week from around the internet and blogosphere. I had intended to do it weekly, but...sometimes life just gets in the way of my plans!

Lately I've been considering the concept of "it takes a village to raise a child". Of course I understand the original intention of that phrase and even the more modern interpretation of extended family and community helping us bring up our children. I hadn't, until recently, considered the idea that my "village" had become, in large part, the positive parenting community I have become a part of. This virtual village of bloggers, educators, caregivers and parents give so much support and guidance, have so much parenting wisdom and share so much knowledge that I am incredibly grateful to have found them. I know my relationship with my children has benefitted so greatly because of the people around me.

I hope you have a few moments this weekend to slow down and savor some of this really good stuff from members of my village. Some of it is straightforward "how to" stuff, some of it is to just make you think. Either way, I hope you enjoy it (click on the titles to read the the full post).

Monday, March 12, 2012

We're Learning The 3 R's. But Not The Ones You Might Expect.

There are an infinite number of things this child can
be learning by playing this simple game.
Our children have had the good fortune to have been enrolled at The Sunshine Shack, a Reggio inspired preschool, for the past 2 1/2 years. The philosophy of the school's director, and the talents of the teachers, have allowed the natural curiosity of all of the children to be constantly encouraged. Each child's interests and inquisitiveness has been expanded upon, used to form lesson plans and resulted in learning experiences for the entire classroom. One of the greatest gifts our children have received so far from school is a genuine love of learning.

I've been leading tours at our school over the last few months and there are always parents who visit who say something along the lines of "I love the idea of a play-based program, but exactly how do the children learn what they need for Kindergarten?". I think, for many, the idea that children would actually learn things like reading or writing in a way other than with the use of flash cards, memorization or structured study seems impossible. But it's not.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Parenting Experts Share Their Secrets (Don't Miss This)!

Have you ever wondered:
  • How to discipline your children without ruining their self-esteem?
  • How to deal with your picky eaters?
  • How to protect your child from being bullied at school or online?
  • How to overcome your own parenting issues so as not to raise children with hang-ups?
  • How to raise your children financially aware?
I know how hard parenting can be at times, so I'm very excited to tell you about the return of a great series called the Great Parenting Show, the #1 Online Resource for Parents. It promises to answer all of these questions and some you haven't even thought of! When this series ran last year it was AMAZING. I heard from so many of my readers that the information they learned from the featured experts changed their lives. I think this will be another don't miss series. 

This breakthrough 3- month series begins on Tuesday, March 13th at 10am PT, 11am MT, 12pm CT and 1pm ET so register right now to get more information: 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

No One Told Me Parenting Was Going To Be Like Therapy

Who knew trying to be a better mom would
require me to work so much on myself?
Sometimes I'm a great mom. Other times I feel like a lousy one, Having twins has been the most amazing blessing and at the same time it is the hardest, most exhausting thing I have ever done. But not in the way you might think.

Sure, there's the lack of sleep. Any parent will mention that. And yes, with twins, sleep disturbances take on new proportions. But that's a post for another time. Yes, with more than one child there's the never ending battle over sharing and everyone trying to get mom's attention. But that too, is another post.

What I have found to be the absolute most exhausting thing about having children is all of the self-examination that is required. I have done a lot of therapy over the years. I have studied various methods, I have had my own therapy sessions, I have counseled others, but I have never learned as much about myself as I have just trying to be a good mother. 

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