Sunday, April 22, 2012

Help For Hitting And Aggressive Behavior.

Patty Wipfler, creator of Hand In Hand Parenting
Among the handful of blogs and websites I turn to over and over to find advice and support, is Hand in Hand Parenting. Patty Wipfler, who founded this organization more than 20 years ago, has been teaching and supporting parents since the early 70's.  

From sibling rivalry to agressive behavior to common childhood issues like whining, transitions or separation anxiety, the advice and insight offered by Patty and her team always leave me feeling as if I better understand what is motivating my children's behavior and what response from me will work best.

I was very excited when Hand in Hand Parenting contacted me a few weeks ago to review their new online course, "No More Hitting!".

Friday, April 20, 2012

5 Ways To Regain Your Calm, Cool, Connection.

There's nothing that eats away at me more than
guilt over not parenting the way I want to.
If there's anything I know about, it's losing it with my kids and feeling awfully guilty about it 2 seconds later. I've written about it a few times on this blog and probably have many more scenarios I could share, but I will spare you. 

What makes it worse for me is that I really do know better! I have many great tools and yet I still fall back on this old, useless tool of yelling, throwing a grown-up tantrum and making pointless threats.

Why? Because I'm not taking care of myself. Because I'm not always practicing being mindful. Because I have set it up in my mind that a particular moment is going to be hard...and then that moment lives up to those expectations. Because I have expectations that the day will be wonderful and when it's not, I am disappointed. Because I have unresolved triggers from childhood, my first marriage, or just life in general. Oh, yes, in any given moment there are myriad reasons why I (or you) may not be parenting the way we want to be in any given moment. 

But even if we behave awfully, or just lose it for a moment, we can't wallow in those feelings. We need to make repairs and reset the course of the day. We need to get back to the real us and the real connection with our children. But how?

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Your Children Will Follow Your Example More Than Your Words

If you feel its OK to berate your child in public, I wonder
how much worse it must be for that child in private.

We spent the day yesterday with our kids at an all day event at one of the local Science Centers. There were bubbles, there were giant bouncy slides, there were robotic experiments...and there was a dad in line behind us who berated, bullied and shamed his son for a solid 45 minutes.

Every time the boy, who was perhaps 8, moved more than a foot away from where the father felt he should be, orders were barked. Don't touch that! Don't go there! Stand here! Stop doing that! You never listen! 

Father's face inches away from son's, father's teeth bared and clenched, angry words spit out. The boy finally couldn't hold it together anymore and weeping, went to hide behind a box nearby. 

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